The Random Adventures of Demigod Heroes
by PeaceLoveAndCheese
Summary: WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY? No... not literally. Ah, well, when you're hanging out with a bunch of demigods, who knows what will happen? Including crazy fangirls, Justin Beiber, Gaea, evil pink teddy bears, werewolves, dragons, and EPIC RAP BATTLES, a demigod's life is NEVER normal.
1. Drowning and Introduction to Randomness

**Well, hi guys! **

**Yes, yes, yes, I know, I shouldn't be writing yet ANOTHER story, but I couldn't help it! Besides, this one is already mostly prewritten:**

**Here's the deal. So, I have been PMing with Lunalove25 lately, among others, and we started this random Percy Jackson story in our PMs. It was really really funny and we thought, "Hey, why not share this with the fanfiction universe?" And, just because we love you so much, we did.**

**She has her story, "Never Wrong, Never Dies" in progress, so she'll probably keep writing that and PMing her bits to me. On our PMs, this story is in script format, so we decided that I would change it out of script format, she would edit it, and I'd post on my profile. She might write a couple of chapters though. I don't know, but we'll let you know who is writing these chapters! Anyway...**

**Enjoy the story! I know we did... **

* * *

Our story begins not-so-long-ago, in a small apartment in a not-so-far-away unknown city, where a girl named Tai Lee is sobbing in her bedroom for a not-so-terrible reason that was very terrible to her...

* * *

"WAH!" Tai Lee sobbed. "I MISSED THE SEASON FINALE OF THE LEGEND OF KORRA! I'M SO SAD! BOO HOO!"

The poor young girl kept crying and crying and crying until she was about to drown a ginormous wave of salty tears! Is this the end for my co-author? Are we even going to have a story or is this going to be just a drabble that isn't related to Percy Jackson at all? No! Because, hark! What light from yonder window breaks? A teenage boy opens the window, sunlight flooding the room (no pun intended)! It's the one... the only... PERCY JACKSON!

*The crowd goes wild.*

_"Percy jumped into the room and using his amazing powers over water, saves Tai Lee just as all hope seems lost! Yes!" I cackled, typing away on my laptop._

"Thanks, Percy," Tai Lee sniffs, wiping away a few stray tears.

Percy grins at his awesomeness. "Don't mention it. All in a day's work. Besides, I couldn't let you drown. You have a story to write!" He winks meaningly and not-so-subtly at the audience, giving them a hint to go read another story after they are done with this one.

Tai Lee thinks for a moment, then pales. "OH SNAP!" She runs over to her computer, yelling, "TELL LEO I'M SORRY!" She then begins furiously typing.

_"Hmmm," I think. "This story needs a little more randomness... a little more hyperness... a little more ME!"_

Suddenly, a random person appears in the room. Percy shrieks in a very heroic way and jumps into Tai Lee's arms.

"Ow!" she yells. "Get off me, Seaweed Brain!"

Percy blushes and gets down.

"Sup," I say.

"The sky," Tai Lee replies and we laugh at our own stupid joke.

"I don't get it..." Percy mutters.

Facepalm.

Suddenly, Leo is in the room with us. "I hate you!" He yells to Tai Lee. "Update already so I can get a girlfriend!"

Tai Lee looks very confuzzled. "How did you get into my grandma's apartment?"

Leo immediately pales. "Oh... um... about that..." He looks around desperately and spots Jason. "JASON FLEW US UP! BLAME HIM!"

Everyone looks at Jason, who says nothing. Finally, I break the silence.

"Um, Leo, why is Jason unconscious on the floor?"

"Oh, funny story... IT'S THE MUSTACHE!" Leo screams and tries to cower behind Percy. I laugh insanely at the mustache comment, but everyone just looks at me because they don't get it.

"Inside joke," I say. They nod and don't question my randomness.

Jason groans from the floor. "What happened?"

In an attempt to stall, Leo screams, "TWINKIES!"

Everyone stops, shocked and very confuzzled on this strange turn of events. Suddenly, there is a rumbling.

"Take cover!" Percy shouts. In a flash of junk, the Stoll Brothers fall out of the closet where they were stealing Tai Lee's belongings. Percy glares at them and asks, "Okay, who put crazy flakes in Leo's cereal today?"

"Um..." Connor says.

"Demeter!" Travis screams.

Demeter immediately pops out of nowhere and starts screaming a parody to Dynamite by Tiao Cruz, which involves Cheerios and holes. She then disappears. Everyone stands in shocked silence... well, all except Leo, who takes it upon himself to break the all-too-eerie quiet.

"HOGWARTS IS REAL!"

* * *

******Disclaimer: WE OWN NOTHING! Well, nothing except for Becca and Tai Lee... and Leo's girlfriend, who is Lunalove25's OC, Amy. **

******Read and Review, guys! All flames belong to Leo!**

******Allons-y!**


	2. Gaea Is Evil, But Not As Evil As Beiber

**We're back! WITH A BRAND NEW CHAPTER!**

**Thanks for the reviews! Again, this was co-written with Lunalove25.**

**And since I really have nothing much to say up here... ON WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

Chapter Two

Gaea Is Evil... But Not As Evil As Justin Beiber

* * *

After Leo's... outburst, Tai Lee shakes her head. "Leo, I am surprised my own character sees anything in you. My own character!"

Leo pouts. "Amy loves me! She just doesn't know it yet!"

Percy looks confuzzled and a little angry. "Wait. Whoa. Wait... my SISTER Amy?"

*Yes, Amy is Percy's sister, for you confused little children out there.*

Leo backpedals immediately. "Uh... I blame global warming?"

Tai Lee rolls her eyes. "They're gonna find out anyways."

"OOH! Leo has a crush!" Travis and Connor yell.

"Shut up," Leo mutters.

Suddenly, something catches my eye out of the window. "Hey... is that Gaea dragging Amy, Annabeth, Katie, and Piper away in chains?" I say nonchalantly.

The guys and Tai Lee gasp.

Tai Lee looks confuzzled. "I didn't write that... yet..."

The guys, meanwhile, are acting like it's the end of the world. "OUR GIRLFRIENDS! AAGGHHH! APOCALYPSE!" they scream, while running around hyperventilating.

I roll my eyes and slap Percy and Travis. "Snap out of it, you dolts!"

Tai Lee lays a fast one on Leo, Jason and Connor. "You guys fought Kronos and giants and monsters and stuff! Go get your girlfriends back, you wimps!"

The boys are reinvigorated with this pep talk. "YEAH!"They create a manly huddle to plan. Tai Lee and I stand and wait.

Fifteen minutes and one quick game of Slap Jack later, Leo breaks out of the circle and screams, "OH SNAP!"

Travis curses. Connor says, "Yeah, what he said!"

Percy screams, "LANGUAGE! Uh, crazy fangirl authors, we seem to have a small problem..."

"Yeah, so..." I trail off.

"GET OVER IT!" Tai Lee screams, looking like she's about to slap someone else.

"We can't, really," Travis mumbles.

"WHY THE HADES NOT?" Tai Lee screams. I scream too, just for the fun of it.

"Weeeelllll..." Connor's "well" is very drawn out and suspicious.

"WE LEFT OUR WEAPONS BACK AT CAMP!" the guys wail.

Tai Lee and I look at each other and facepalm.

Jason peers around the room uncomfortably. "Um... I've noticed I haven't really done anything here so... can I go now?"

"NO!" Everyone shouts at him.

"Fine. Meanies," Jason pouts.

Meanwhile, Leo is running around in circles and screaming. "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"

Annoyed, Tai Lee writes an anvil to fall from the sky and land on Leo's head, which shuts him up.

Everyone sighs. "Peace and quiet..."

"But seriously..." Percy says.

"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" the guys shriek in unison.

Tai Lee facepalms again. "Do we have to do everything around here?"

"I believe the answer to that is yes..." I whisper.

Tai Lee groans and quickly types something into her computer. Immediately, everyone is equipped with weapons. Leo picks himself up off the floor, perfectly okay.

"We'll help you guys, but you are gonna look like wimps if we have to rescue your girlfriends for you!" I yell at the boys.

The guys don't seem to care. "Okay!"

We all rush out and charge to meet Gaea. We get there in a space of time too little to actually be realistic, which is yet another of the wonders of FanFiction.

Gaea is waiting for us. "MWA HA HA HA! You puny demigods have met your match! I have the ULTIMATE weapon! And for such a small price!"

Percy draws his sword and steps out bravely. "Let them go!"

"Yeah, take us instead!" Jason backs him up.

Gaea grins evilly. "I'm afraid these girls are the price for my newest ally: JUSTIN BEIBER!"

Tai Lee and I scream at the unveiling of this horror. "NO! NOT THAT!"

Justin Beiber randomly appears in the street. "You have what I want?" he says in a horribly girly gangster-type of voice.

"Yeah, just take them!" Gaea says in a still-terrible-but-slightly-better gangster voice. She throws the chains at him.

Justin is so happy, he lets loose with his SECRET WEAPON! "If I was your BOYFRRIIIEEENND!"

The girls, including Tai Lee and I, collapse and start screaming in pain."

Suddenly, a echoing chorus flys back at Justin. "I'D NEVER LET YOU GO!" Leo sings at the top of his voice. Everyone stares at Leo. "What? It's my song!" he says.

"Ooookkkkayyy?" Percy mumbles.

The girls continue screaming. "THE PAIN! WE SURRENDER!"

Connor laughs maniacally. "Ha! Who's saving whose butts now?" He receives a high five from his brother.

"Okay, here's the plan," Percy says. "Leo, you distract him. Connor and Travis, you steal the girls back. Jason, you take on Gaea."

"Um... Percy, what about you?" Jason asks.

"Oh, I'll be chilling in the Starbucks over here. You guys want anything?"

"Nah, we're good," the guys say.

THE PLAN IS PUT INTO ACTION!

Leo distracts: "Hey, Justin! IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! LIGHTS IN THE STREET SPREADING SO MUCH CHEER! I SHOULD BE PLAYING IN THE WINTER SNOW! BUT IMMA BE UNDER THE MISTLETOE!"

Justin joins him in song. "I DON'T WANNA MISS OUT ON THE HOLIDAY! BUT I CAN'T STOP STARING AT YOUR FACE! I SHOULD BE PLAYING IN THE WINTER SNOW! BUT IMMA BE UNDER THE MISTLETOE!"

Leo and Justin Beiber start singing together, a fate worse than death. "WITH YOOOUUU! SHAWTY WITH YOU! WITH YOOOUUU! SHAWTY WITH YOU! WITH YOOOOUUU! UNDER THE MISTLETOE!"

Travis winces as he attempts to untie the girls. "I thought Justin Beiber was bad..."

Connor finishes his sentence. "But Justin and Leo TOGETHER is ten times worse!"

The girls keep screaming. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

From her fatal position on the ground, Tai Lee gives Leo a _go-save-them-and-stop-singing-or-I-will-write-that-Amy-rejects-you-for-all-eternity _look. Leo gulps. Travis and Connor finish freeing the girls while Jason is fighting Gaea and Leo is cowering in fear of Tai Lee's death glare. Unfortunately, Justin is still singing.

Amy thinks fast. "I have an idea. OHMYGOSH! IT'S JUSTIN BEIBER SHIRTLESS!"

Instantly, a mob of paparazzi, lead by Lady Gaga, come and destroy Justin with their flashy cameras. Gaea, meanwhile, is temporarily defeated by the mobs of crazed Beliebers.

"Nice quick thinking, Amy!" Piper exclaims.

"Thanks!" Amy grins. "Never underestimate the power of lying."

"Amen to that!" Travis and Connor shout.

* * *

******That was kind of fun to write... if it's a little slow now... IT GETS BETTER, AWESOMER, AND RANDOMER!**

******So... the first chapter was short, the next chapter will be longer... SO KEEP READING AND STAY TUNED!**

******Oh, and really guys? We got 58 views but only THREE reviews? You can do better than that... come on... I know you can... just press the button!**

******I really have nothing to say down here either... sneaking... sneaking... sneaking... POUNCE! I AM THE MIGHTY WRITER! HEAR MY RAWR!**

******Disclaimer: WE OWN NOTHING! Well, nothing except for Becca and Tai Lee... and Leo's girlfriend, who is Lunalove25's OC, Amy.**

******Allons-y!**

******Let's play a game.**

******Let's play I Spy**

******Okay, I'll go first.**

******I Spy with my little eye...**

******A box with your name in it... and a button that says post **

******I bet if you type something in there and then click that button, you will be very happy! Or happier than you were, at least.**

******VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**

******VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**

******VVVVVVVVVVVV**

******REVIEW!**

******VVVVVVVVV**

******VVVVVVV**

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******VVV**

******VV**

******V**


	3. Prophecies and Octavian's Evil Pink Army

**AND WE'RE BACK! WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THE RANDOM ADVENTURES OF DEMIGOD HEROES!**

**So... I believe that's all. Oh wait... DOCTOR WHO IS AWESOME!**

**That is all.**

**Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

Chapter Three

Crazy Prophecies and Octavian's Evil Pink Army

After the defeat of Gaea and Justin Beiber, everyone started jumping around like hyper five-year-olds and cheering.

"YAYS! WE DID IT!" I screamed.

The guys flank their girlfriends. "We love you! Don't ever leave us!" Ah, the pair shipping...

The girls smile at them. "We won't... probably. Unless you die or do something stupid..."

Annabeth looks around, confused. "Speaking of stupid, where's Percy?"

Everyone else looks around as well and finally shrugs, because Percy is nowhere to be seen.

Rachel suddenly appears out of nowhere. "Well, the last Great Prophecy didn't really work out... to defeat Gaea, it was more like... _Seven crazy people shall answer the call/to get girlfriends and Starbucks, Gaea will fall/the world is rid of a horrible threat/For Justin Beiber met his death._

"HUZZAH!" Everyone cheers.

Annabeth still looks worried. "But where IS Percy?"

Suddenly, a random fangirl runs by screaming, "OMG! PERCY JACKSON IS OVER IN THAT STARBUCKS GUYS! LET'S GO!"

All the boys scream. "AH! FANGIRLS!"

The girls roll their eyes. "Wimps."

Rachel collapses on the spot, spewing green smoke. "_Beware demigods, with your fame renowned/To fangirls of coffee the Son of Poseidon will drown/Wisdom's daughter walks alone/The Mark of Athena burns through Rome_." Rachel then collapses into Leo's arms. Amy glares at him.

Annabeth sighs. "Well, it looks like we have to go rescue Percy... AGAIN!"

Everyone else yells, "Let's go!"

Amy notices something. "Um... why is the Starbucks shaking?"

All of a sudden, the Starbucks explodes and a wave of coffee come sweeping out at the demigods and crazy fangirl authors.

Quickly, I write that Rainbow and his friends come to save us.

"FISH PONIES!" Tyson screams out of nowhere (Tyson isn't even here.)

Tai Lee looks perplexed. "I didn't know that they had Starbucks in Rome."

It's Leo's turn to look confused. "Rome? I thought we were in South America!"

I yank out my iPod. "We need music!"

"Green Day!" Annabeth calls out.

"Under the Sea!" Percy shouts.

"IMA BANANA!" Tyson randomly puts in.

The crickets are chirping.

"... um, no," I say. Scrolling through my song list, I pick This Is War by 30 Seconds to Mars.

"Enough with the music!" Tai Lee shouts. "We've got to... um... um... well, we've got Percy back, so let's just go back to camp."

"Fine..." Everyone else pouts.

We return to Camp Half-Blood in a magical way that takes to seconds because the crazy fangirl authors don't feel like creating an actual explanation as to how we got there.

Percy falls flat on his face. "Sweet ground!" He starts kissing it.

Annabeth glares at him and everyone else facepalms.

Suddenly, Chiron runs up shouting, "Campers! We are under attack! That crazy scarecrow kid has created an army of evil pink teddy bears to destroy the world! Help!"

"Oh no!" Everyone yells.

"MWA HA HA HA!" Octavian cackles evilly. "I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY EVIL PINK ARMY!"

Leo screams.

"AW, they're so cute!" Percy shouts. Everyone facepalms.

Amy steps forwards. "OCTAVIAN I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL TAKE YOUR KNIFE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR $$ ^&!"

"LANGUAGE!" Everyone screams, while some cower in fear (a.k.a. Leo and Octavian).

"Kill them!" Octavian screams.

The evil pink teddy bears swarm Amy and the crazy fan girl authors.

"Hey!" Leo shouts. He sends a wave of flame from his palms and burns the teddy bears.

"No!" Octavian screams. "NOT MY BABIES!"

"Don't hurt the girl that I'm in love with but refuse to admit it to!" Leo retorts.

Everyone gasps.

"Wait... what?" Amy says.

"I knew it would happen eventually," Katie beams proudly.

"Aphrodite side," Travis mumbles. Katie punches him. "OW!"

"My precious angels! My babies!" Octavian wails. "CURSE YOU EVIL FIRE DUDE!"

"Hey, that's Supreme Commander Evil Fire Dude to you!" Leo retorts.

"Leo... did you really mean that?" Amy asks.

Leo blushes. "Well... sure. I mean, you're pretty. And nice. And-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there, Flame Boy," Percy says.

Leo immediately bows low to the ground. "OH MIGHTY PERCY! PLEASE LET ME DATE YOUR SISTER, ALL POWERFUL ONE!"

Percy looks confused. "Um... well... okay, I guess."

Leo looks delighted. "Yes!" He turns to Amy. "Baby, light my fire!"

*Kiss*

* * *

**Well... that was random. Liked the little romance in there? I did. Maybe. I know Leo did... I don't know... I LIKE RANDOMNESS BETTER!**

**Leaf.**

**See? That was random!**

**Anyway, please review! And now, a word from our sponser!**

***THE MESSAGE OF HARRY POTTER!***

**Harry Potter: Hello everyone! This is a great story! But you're forgetting something...**

**Me: Um... no I'm not! Oh, wait, yes I am! Disclaimer: Lunalove25 and I do not own PJO... or Harry Potter, for that matter.**

**Harry: What? No! I didn't mean that! I meant-**

**Me: Oh, yeah! Do I have anything to self-advertise!**

**Harry: NO! STUPEFY! *Stupefies me.* Anyway, you guys are forgetting something...**

**You: ...**

**Harry: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

**Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! NOW SHUT UP!**

**Harry: O.o How did you get unStupefied?**

**Me: Um, you just say UnStupefy.**

**Harry: Oh.**

**Me: GUESS WHAT! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOO! SO YOU SHOULD REVIEW CAUSE IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY!**

**Harry: Hey, you stole my birthday!**

**Me: Well, you stole J. K. Rowling's. So there.**

**Harry: Hmmph.**

**REVIEW! OR OCTAVIAN'S EVIL PINK ARMY WILL STEAL YOUR BIRTHDAY CAKES!**


	4. Fangirls Don't Like To Be Called Creepy

**Hello friends!**

**Yes, we're BACK with another chapter of the Random Adventures of Demigod Heroes. Oh, thank you, thank you, no really, please, you can stop applauding now... it's all in the job description.**

**Disclaimer: _Here is a poem/Please pay it some mind/If you think that we own/We own nothing of kind._  
**

**_No matter how much/We wished we owned PJO/Rick Riordan is boss/So sadly, we don't._**

* * *

Chapter Four

Fangirls Don't Like To Be Called Creepy

_Later That Same Day_

"HEY YOU GUYS!" Tai Lee screams as she gazes into the giant mystical portal that randomly opened for no real reason other than to make this story continue. "IT'S SO PRETTY!"

Everyone rushes up.

"Should we go explore it?" Piper asks.

Suddenly, Hazel and Frank appear, riding on Arion.

"Sup, guys?" Frank says.

"Oh, sweet portal! Hazel exclaims. "Where's it go?"

"STRANGER DANGER!" Leo screams, having not met Hazel and Frank yet because the Mark of Athena doesn't come out for another forty-seven days.

"It's not ours..." Percy says. "How should we know where it goes?"

Amy pokes her head into the portal. "Hey, uh, guys? We have to explore this!"

"Why?" Annabeth questions. They all look into the portal.

"THERE ARE DRAGONS IN HERE!" Tai Lee screams at the same decibel as earlier. Tai Lee and I high five and jump in.

Jason looks puzzled. "Should we follow the crazy fangirl authors?"

In answer, Amy and Hazel jump in. Everyone else sighs and follows.

Suddenly, they are all in a large, creepy tunnel.

"Oo, I _like _creepy tunnels!" I exclaim.

"I don't," Percy mutters.

"I don't like YOU!" Nico di Angelo says, appearing out of nowhere.

"Um... Nico..." Annabeth says.

"What?"

"HOW THE HADES DID YOU GET HERE?" Amy screams. "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CAPTURED!"

"Shadow travel," Nico replies. "Duh."

"Ooooohhhhhh," everyone else says.

"Um... why are there dragons in this creepy tunnel? And why doesn't Nico like me?" Percy asks.

"Just because there are dragons in this creepy tunnel," Nico says. "And I meant that I don't like those creepy fangirl authors."

Tai Lee and I :(

"Well, if that's how you really feel..." I say.

"WE'RE LEAVING! GOOD LUCK SURVIVING ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT US WRITING YOU OUT OF TROUBLE!" Tai Lee screams, as she has been doing since Octavian's Evil Pink Army Attacked.

And the crazy fangirl authors poof away in a cloud of smoke.

"OH SNAP!" everyone screams.

"What are we going to do now?" Jason asks.

Everyone glares at Nico.

"Um... bye!" Nico exclaims and tries to shadow travel away, but Percy grabs him.

"Not so fast, my small emo cousin-"

"I AM NOT EMO!"

"-we are getting out of here and YOU are going first," Percy finishes.

"Drat you Percy," Nico says. "Drat you."

They all walk through the tunnel with Nico in the lead. Leo helpfully sets his hair on fire to light the way.

"You know, Nico, that was probably the WORST POSSIBLE TIMING EVER! Even for you," Amy says.

"It's not my fault they got offended!" Nico protests.

"You called them creepy fangirl authors!" Annabeth says.

"Well, to be fair, we called them 'crazy fangirl authors,'" Travis says.

"Yeah, but we knew we were crazy!" Tai Lee and my voices echo throughout the tunnel.

"Whoa..." Percy says.

Hazel spots something. "Hey, look guys! There's a light at the end of the tunnel!"

"DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!" Travis and Connor scream. Katie smacks them. "OW!"

Cheered by the prospect of getting out of the tunnel (some of the demigods-coughPercycough-were getting slightly claustraphobic) they all race forwards and end up in a peaceful grove.

"So... where are all the dragons?" Jason says.

Suddenly, shadows appear overhead and grab everyone. The guys all scream, while the girls climb up the dragons' backs and ride them like pegasi.

"WOO HOO!" Hazel screams, slightly like Harry Potter.

"This is SOOO fun!" Piper yells.

Annabeth laughs. "Come on! Don't be such worry-warts, boys! Have some fun!"

"Best. Day. EVER!" Amy shouts.

Percy has his eyes tightly closed. "Don't like flying... don't like flying..."

The other guys seem to be getting used to the dragons, though. "Hey... this isn't so bad..."

"GET ME DOWN! AAGGGGHHH!" Percy screams.

"Stop having a panic attack, Seaweed Brain!" Annabeth shouts at him.

Percy starts hyperventilating. "I'M GONNA GET BLASTED! HELP! HELP! IT'S GOING TO DROP ME!"

"No, it's not!" Annabeth reassures him. "Open your eyes! They won't drop us."

The dragons drop them.

* * *

"AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" everyone screams.

"NOOOTTTT COOOOOOOL!" Leo shouts, flailing around uselessly.

Jason stops screaming for a moment. "Um... I can fly... SEE YA AROUND, SUCKERS!"

"And I can shadow travel... so... bye guys! Good luck!" Nico disappears into thin air.

In desperation, Leo screams, "FLAME ON!" He starts flying. "Wow, that actually worked.

"Help!" Amy yells. Leo swoops down as gracefully as a teenage boy on fire can and flies her to safety.

"Um, Jason?" Piper asks. Jason does the same, only it looks much more impressive than Leo's display.

"Well, Connor," Travis says. "Shall we try the Plan B packs?"

"Yes, Travis, let's," his brother replies. They press a button on their backpacks that randomly appear out of nowhere and hang glide away.

Frank morphs into a giant eagle, grabs Hazel, and flies off.

"Mom, help!" Annabeth prays. Suddenly, a giant owl swoops under her and lifts her up into the sky, swiping at Percy with it's talons for good measure.

Katie makes a giant vine ramp grow into the sky and starts sliding down it to safety, leaving Percy free-falling on his own.

"... WHAT THE HADES AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

Tai Lee and I suddenly appear floating in the air. "Well, we made you fall off, so... you just keep falling until we decide that we don't want you to die."

"WHAT?" Percy screams, just as he hits the ground with a splat.

"Whoops," I say. "Guess we didn't watch the ground. Sorry Percy."

Percy groans as everyone else lands safely on the ground.

"Percy, are you okay?" Annabeth exclaims.

"No, not really, no," Percy mutters.

"It was our fault." Tai Lee says sheepishly. "Sorry." Quickly, she writes that Percy fell onto a giant pillow.

"I'm better now!" Percy says. Nico reappears in the group, relieved to find that they are no longer falling and dying. Katie slaps him.

"OW!" Nico screams, holding a hand to his cheek. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"For offending the fangirl authors and getting us into this mess!" Katie tells him.

"YEAH!" everyone else screams.

"Fine..." Nico pouts. "I'm sorry."

"SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" the girls shout threateningly.

"Okay, okay! I am very truly and sincerely sorry!"

"Hmmm... okay, we accept," Tai Lee concludes. "But..."

I glare at Nico, my eyes turning very red and evil and scary. "DON'T FORGET OUR POWER AGAIN!"

Nico gulps. "Y-yes, ma'am..."

All of a sudden, the dragons fly down.

"Whoa, are you guys okay?" a purple one asks. "Sorry, we don't know what happened."

Everyone glares at the fangirl authors, who smile sheepishly.

* * *

**Yups... so... anyway...**

**THE MARK OF ATHENA COME OUT IN FORTY-SEVEN FREAKING DAYS, PEOPLE! Who's excited! I'M EXCITED! And the Demigod Diaries came out... two days ago. I haven't gotten my copy yet, but I want one SO BAD! And have any of you seen the "How To Train Your Dragon" play/musical thing? I read about it in the week and want to go see it SO DANG BAD!**

**On a less happy note, school starts in... eleven days. I had to go get my Student I.D. and schedule yesterday, which thoroughly depressed me. Here is my schedule, which is about the stupidest, most horrible one EVER!**

**Period 1: Physical Education (I HAVE TO HAVE P.E. FIRST FREAKING THING! WHO'S BRIGHT IDEA WAS THIS?)**

**Period 2: Formal Plane Geometry (Bleh. Just bleh.)**

**Period 3: Physical Science**

**Period 4: Lunch (WOO HOO!)**

**Period 5: Advanced English 10 (Yes, I'm almost two grades ahead of where everyone else is. XD)**

**Period 6: French 1 (Allons-y!)**

**Period 7: Woman's Chorus 1**

**Period 8: Information and Communication Technology (WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE THIS STUPID CLASS! I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO TYPE!)**

**So, judging by that, and the fact that I take three classes that aren't even in my grade level, I'm going to be running back and forth around the stupid high school like a maniac. Bleh. I need sugar.**

**Please review! And help me not be depressed... my arm hurts. Because I had to go get a physical and get one of those stupid HPV shots. THOSE THINGS HURT LIKE HADES, GUYS! HURT LIKE HADES! I only got through it because I had my eyes squeezed shut and was repeating, "Percy Jackson, Doctor Who, Percy Jackson, Doctor Who," in my head the entire time. ; (**

**Going to Summer Nights tonight with my friends! Yups, gonna be fun... SOB! SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER!**

**It's cold here... I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie right now. Stupid Midwestern weather. **

**REVIEW!**

**This has been a ramble...**

**ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO LUNALOVE25 FOR HER HELP IN WRITING THIS STORY! (In case you didn't know, that means go review her story. NOW!)**

**I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!**

**... yeah.**


	5. Wait This Isn't A Crossover, Is It?

**Long time, no see... well, not really. More like... a week. Yes, exactly a week.**

**MoA chapter in progress, I promise. But since I couldn't sleep this morning, I decided to update this for you guys. **

**He he he he... I love this chapter almost as much as I love the next one! Oh, just to forwarn you... the fic kind of starts crossing over in to other random fandoms in this chapter and continues for as much as we have written out so far... we're actually pretty far along in the story line. But this isn't listed as a crossover fic because it's mostly PJO. But if you don't like, don't read. **

**So... we've got fluffy plot bunnies, evil Twilight, and Harry Potter. Yups. Those things are all totally related. Not.**

**Get ready for a Who rant...**

**I'M RE-WATCHING SEASON TWO OF DOCTOR WHO RIGHT NOW! When the Doctor and Rose were all happy go lucky... definitely when the show was at it's best, the Tennant era. Although, I must say that Season 3 got me quite good. The acting was amazing. The Doctor was so angsty, I absolutely ADORED the Master, even though he was evil. The last... six episodes were probably the best I've seen so far. But... I am liking Matt Smith, I'll give you that. The quality of the show hasn't decreased at all. I'm pleased... oh, and here's the time bomb...**

**EPISODE ONE OF SEASON SEVEN PREMIERED YESTERDAY!**

**I'm so excited! I don't have cable, so I couldn't watch it, but last night my best friend called me at like ten and proceeded to scream at me over the phone that he had recorded it. So I'm going over there this afternoon once I finish my homework and we shall HAVE AN AMAZING WHO TIME! SO EXCITED! IT'S GONNA BE GREAT! It's rumored Amy and Rory are leaving, which is sad. The sadder part is that I'm not the person who will be playing the next companion... yeah. I'm a total Whovian. You want proof, just look at the way my friend and I were laughing insanely at each other over the phone... oh look, _The Impossible Planet _just started up. I love this two parter. I'll leave you to your reading.**

**Disclaimer: Lunalove25 and I do not own any of the mentioned series or fandoms in this story. Sadly. If we did, we'd be self-made millionaires sitting drinking martinis in our castles. And I'd be watching Doctor Who on a seventy-five inch flatscreen instead of my computer.**

* * *

Chapter Five

Wait... This Isn't A Crossover, Is It?

As the whole dragon mess finishes sorting itself out... FLUFFY PINK PLOT BUNNIES RANDOMLY APPEAR AND PROCEED TO EAT THE CHARACTERS' BRAINS! MWA HA HA HA!

No, not really, no. But there ARE plot bunnies.

"AW..." Percy says, earning himself some odd stairs from everyone else.

"Um... sorry about that," I say. "The plot bunnies are quite friendly... however, they can sometimes get crazy..."

Octavian randomly appears out of nowhere, wielding a sharpened knife. "WOW! CUTE FLUFFY BUNNIES! IT'S TIME FOR A PROPHECY!"

"NO! NOT THE PLOT BUNNIES!" Everyone screams.

"We can't write without them!" Tai Lee wails.

"Do I look like I care?" Octavian asks, and being Octavian, he decides to throw some ninja stars at the poor defenseless fangirl authors (not really _defenseless_, per say, but what the hay! IT'S OUR STORY).

"Leave the fangirl authors alone!" Jason bravely puts in, in an attempt to be in the fair Graces of the authors.

"Oh, please!" Octavian scoffs. "You don't even know their names!"

In the flurry of flying ninja stars (Octavian has REALLY bad aim) one of them finally hits me. Suddenly, the plot bunnies fade.

"No!" Everyone says.

"NO!" Octavian screams. Another hits Tai Lee and Amy disappears.

"AMY!" Percy and Leo scream.

"MWA HA HA HA HA!" Octavian shouts, not really noticing that the authors are gone, along with his chance at some prophecies. "I HAVE DESTROYED YOUR PRECIOUS FANGIRL WRITERS! NOW I CONTROL THE STORY-" He is cut off as he suddenly starts bending like his is doing the robot. "What... is... THIS? I CONTROL THE STORY!"

Everyone gasps as the fangirl authors appear out of nowhere. Tai Lee is furiously typing something into a laptop. Amy is moving her wrist and Octavian's body is copying the movements.

"You're a blood bender!" Annabeth exclaims.

Amy grins. "I am now."

Leo pales. "Oh snap."

"What?" Jason asks him.

"If my girlfriend has blood-bending powers... WHAT IS SHE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO TO ME?"

The guys consider this for a moment. "... That is a problem..."

Octavian still looks like he's trying to do the moonwalk and funky chicken at the same time. "WHY?"

"Um, probably because you tried to get rid of us. Which, by the way, is IMPOSSIBLE!" I say.

"It is?" Everyone asks, like it had just dawned on them.

"No duh." Tai Lee rolls her eyes. "Without us you wouldn't even be here. Probably."

"Yeah right," Percy scoffs.

"NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS STORY WITHOUT US!" I scream.

"Then prove it!" Percy dares.

Tai Lee and I look at each other and grin evilly. "You asked for it..."

Suddenly, Percy is dressed in a pink sparkly tutu and tights and being forced to sing... BARNEY!

Everyone cracks up.

_Five minutes later_

Percy is still singing like an idiot, but most everyone has gotten bored of the spectacle.

"Okay, I've seen enough," Tai Lee says and Barney ceases to come from Percy's lips.

"Thank... you..." Percy gasps as he passes out.

"Dude! I recorded it!" Travis says gleefully.

"Normally, I'd stop you from putting that on the web, but... I think I'll wait," Katie says. Travis and Conner grin.

"I think we've embarrassed Percy enough for one day," Tai Lee tells me.

"I agree! All in a good day's work, don't you think?" I reply.

"Oh yes, very mu-" We're suddenly cut off as something grabs us from behind.

"OH MY GODS!" the demigods all scream.

"Blood bend him or something, Amy!" Piper yells.

"I can't! It's dead, it doesn't have a working lymphatic system!" Amy wails, desperately trying to make use of her powers.

"Whaaat?" Everyone except Annabeth asks.

"HE'S A VAMPIRE!" Annabeth screams. "IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!"

OH THE HORROR!

"Sparkly! IT BURNS!" Leo shouts.

"RELEASE US, YOU SPARKLY FAIRY!" Tai Lee and I holler. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN!"

"Mwa ha ha ha!" Edward Cullen laughs. "I have captured the authors!"

"Oh no! What are we going to do?" the demigods all yell.

"Well, since we're the authors, we can do anything," I say.

"Well... almost anything," Tai Lee points out. "We can't own any of these characters, except Amy and ourselves. And we're kind of being killed slowly by sparkles... but we CAN call for help!"

Tai Lee and I look at each other and grin. "WE CALL ON THE POWERS OF HARRY POTTER TO AVENGE US!"

Harry randomly appears, looking very disoriented. "Oi, what the bloody hell is going on? One moment I'm flying around on my Firebolt, beating the pants off the Slytherins at Quidditch, and the next I'm here! Who the bloody hell are you people?"

"We're demigods-" Nico starts, but is cut off as Harry starts screaming.

"VOLDEMORT!"

"No, Harry," I explain comfortingly. "That's Nico di Angelo. He's not a Dark Lord, he's just unnaturally pale."

"Oh," Harry says as Nico frowns.

"Thanks a lot."

"Pleasure."

"Sarcasm."

Edward Cullen looks shocked. "HARRY?"

Harry turns around and sees him. "Cedric Diggory? You're supposed to be dead!"

Edward nods. "I am... well, sort of. I AM NOW A VAMPIRE!"

Harry considers this. "Well, I suppose that's better than a dementor or a werewolf or something."

Taylor Lautner, Lyconease, and Remus Lupin appear at the mention of werewolves. "HEY!"

"WEREWOLVES!" Harry, Edward and the demigods scream.

"Oh, hey Lupin," Harry says, realizing that he is actually friends with a werewolf who should be dead (this is FANFICTION! Deal with it.)

"Hello, Harry," Remus says. "How's my son?"

"Good," Harry says. "He has blue hair and a girlfriend."

"That's my boy!"

"LYCONEASE!" the demigods all scream in terror.

"Die, puny heroes!" The werewolf in question growls.

"Where's Jason's hot sister when you need her?" Leo wails.

"What?" Jason asks.

"Nothing..." Leo mutters.

"HOT GUYS?" Taylor Lautner roars in disbelief. "HOTTER THAN ME! MUST... KILL... EDWARD! BELLA!"

"WTH?" Edward abbreviates.

"Um, somebody?" Tai Lee says. "This is all very interesting, but we're still in the clutches of a sparkly male terror!"

"SKELETON ATTACK!" Nico screams.

"SPARKLE FIGHT!" Edward yell back. The air is suddenly filled with sparkles and rainbows (Edward) and skeletons (Nico) until Taylor Lautner jumps on Edward and eats him.

"I AM SUPREME!" Taylor Lautner says, getting up and pounding his chest like King Kong.

"Thanks..." I say.

"We appreciate it!" Tai Lee smiles. "But since you're annoying, we're going to have you die in a bath of molten cheese now."

"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Taylor Lautner screams as he dies in a bath of molten cheese.

"... Yay!" everybody cheers.

"Hey Harry!" Amy says.

"Yes?"

"Is it true that Dumbledore is gay?"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?" Harry gasps.

"Um... internet," Amy says.

"I thought that was just a fan rumor." I say. "Huh. Learn something new every day!"

"BLOODY MUGGLES!" Harry screams. "How did you find out about Hogwarts? You annoying brats will be the death of us!"

"DID SOMEONE SAY DRACO MALFOY!" The person in question appears riding on his broom in thin air. "Ha ha, Potter! Hanging out with your filthy mudblood friends now?"

"You..." Amy starts.

"Did..." Annabeth says.

"NOT!" Piper shrieks. "NEVER CALL US MUDBLOODS!"

"What are you going to do about it?" Malfoy taunts.

I start write about how Malfoy is dressed as a girl and singing a song about his love for Hermione Granger. By some unknown force of nature, Ron shows up.

"WHY ARE YOU SINGING ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU LITTLE N-"

"LANGUAGE!" all the demigods shout. This is a T rated fic, after all.

"I was going to say Nargle..." Ron said sheepishly.

Noticing that Malfoy has stopped singing and Octavian has long gotten bored and started making voodoo dolls, Tai Lee proceeds to kick them out of the story for now.

"What's a nargle?" Percy asks.

"Haven't you ever read Harry Potter?" Annabeth asks her boyfriend.

"No..." Percy admits.  
"LE GASP! THE HORROR!" everyone shouts.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know who you guys are either," Harry says.

Hermione appears next to Ron. "Harry, you haven't ever read Percy Jackson and the Olympians?"

"No..."

"GASP! MORE HORROR!"

Harry looks put out. "Well, how good can it be? I mean, I have seven books and eight movies made about me! What do you have? Seven books... oh. BUT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MOVIE! As if you could ever compete with the awesomeness that is HARRY POTTER! Oh, and I'm a Puppet Pal! Boosh! Eat that!"

"How dare you..." Percy says. "I AM PERCY JACKSON! I AM THE DEMIGOD OF TWO PROPHECIES, HERO OF OLYMPUS, THE SON OF POSEIDON! I AM A HALF-BLOOD-"  
"So am I," Harry says.

"NO!"

"Oh yes. I AM HARRY POTTER! I AM THE BOY WHO LIVED, THE CHOSEN ONE, AND THE DEFEATER OF THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT-"

"Voldemort? Oh please. I DEFEATED KRONOS! That's way more epic than beating a guy with no nose using a stick."

"I DIED AND CAME BACK TO LIFE!"

"I ALMOST DIED LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES!"

"I SAVED THE WORLD!"

"SO DID I! SIX TIMES!

"MY MENTOR IS THE ONLY ONE HE EVER FEARED!"

"Oh, yeah?" MY MENTOR IS HALF HORSE!"

"Well, my mentor is a giant wolf goddess who'll eat me if I show weakness," Jason cuts in.

"Seriously?" Harry says. "That's epic."

"I know right?" Jason replies.

"BUT I AM A NATURAL ON A BROOMSTICK!" Harry yells, getting back to boosting his ego.

"I CAN'T FLY BECAUSE I'LL GET BLASTED OUT OF THE SKY!" Percy screams.

"I CAN FLY WITHOUT ANY MAGIC OR BROOMS OR ANYTHING!" Jason shouts.

"Seriously?" Harry asks again.

"Hey, I thought that this battle was between Harry and I!" Percy pouts.

"Whatever Percy," Jason says.

"WE SHALL END THE BATTLE OF AWESOMENESS ONCE AND FOR ALL BY..." Harry pauses dramatically.

Apollo suddenly appears. "HAVING A RAP BATTLE! OH YEAH!"

"You're on sucker!" Percy says.

"I really don't think this was supposed to happen..." I say.

"Oh well!" Tai Lee exclaims gleefully. "Let's enjoy the show!"

* * *

**Yes, they are having a rap battle next chapter. I promise you, it is EPIC! **

**So... like it? Hate it? Want to stomp on your computer and chuck it out a window? Please don't do that... that would be bad. **

**Review! Review! REVIEW!**

**Oh... and high school isn't that bad. I'm EXHAUSTED though. XD**

**KEEP CALM AND FIND THE DOCTOR!**

**Allons-y!**

**Have fun with life! Respect your peeps! And... BEWARE! BEWARE OF RUNNING WITH SCISSORS AND OTHER POINTY OBJECT!**

**Yeah... Demigods don't abide to that rule much, do they?**

**MoA Countdown: 30 days...**


	6. THE RAP BATTLE OF EPICNESS!

**Hi friends! Just wanted to update this... because THIS IS THE EPIC RAP BATTLE OF EPICNESS! Yeah...**

**Oh, and at this time next week, I will be in Percy Jackson's hometown! SQUEE! I'm so excited! NEW YORK NEW YORK!**

**So... I'll update MoA some time this weekend or next week. Yeah...**

**Watching the End of Time Part Two... again. SOBBING SOBBING SOBBING! Gods, David Tennant is a fabulous actor. I miss him so much. : ( But John Simm isn't doing to bad of a job either. There's like, four or five fabulous actors in this episode. I love it so much... Aw... crying again. D: **

**DAVID TENNANT DAVID TENNANT DAVID TENNANT! SOB! D:**

**Anyway, enjoy the AMAZING RAP BATTLE! Just saying, I solely wrote this chapter. Yups. **

**Oh, and whoever wrote the "Random Demigod Adventures Feat, Michielle Ricen" could you please send me a link? I was Googling stuff, found that, and wanted to read it, but couldn't get through to the story. I would love to see it! Pwease? :3**

**Enjoy! Really have nothing else to say...**

**Disclaimer: ME NO OWN ME NO OWN! I wish I owned a copy of the Mark of Athena... but sadly, there's... twelve more days to go. : (**

**I also wouldn't mind owning David Tennant... om nom nom, he's got his sexy smile on... SEXY MAN CANDY, THAT HE IS!**

* * *

Chapter Six

THE RAP BATTLE OF EPICNESS!

Setting: a giant fighting arena, sort of resembling a wrestling wring. A random announcer dude (Let's call him... David, shall we?) He holds a microphone up to his face and grins broadly.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" David announces. "BOYS AND GIRLS! DEMIGODS, WIZARDS, AND ALL OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, PLUS THE SCARY FANGIRL AUTHORS, WELCOME TO THE RAP BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!" His statement is met with insane cheering. David gestures to one corner. "IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE SON OF POSEIDON AND HERO OF OLYMPUS... PEEEEEEERRRRRRCY JACKSON!"

Percy struts around the arena like the sexy piece of man candy he is. The girls scream. And, in some of their cases, faint.

"AND IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE CHOSEN ONE, THE BOY WHO LIVED, HARRRRRRRRY POTTTTTTTTTER!"

Harry does something magical with his wand.

Hermione and Ron cheer. "GO HARRY!"

Crickets are now chirping.

David steadfastly continues. "AND WE ALSO HAVE THE SON OF JUPITER, DEFEATER OF THE TITAN KRIOS, JAAAAAAAASON GRACE!"

Jason waves at the crowd.

"Go Jason!" Piper yells.

Heads turn towards Leo, but a message simply starts. "_This is Leo Valdez's voicemail. He is too busy kissing Amy to cheer for Jason right now. Please leave a message, you mother *beeeep.*_"

"LET THE RAP BATTLE OF THE CENTURY... BEGIN!"

Percy starts out.

_Hey, I'm Percy Jackson and I'm the son of the sea_

_ I'm totally awesome and the girls love me._

_ I fight with a sword that morphs from a pen._

_ I've saved the world once, I can do it again._

_ I started heroism when I was only twelve_

_ I can control the ocean, which is awesomer than spells._

_ I have a cyclops for a brother and a hellhound for a dog_

_ Which is totally better than your owls and your frogs._

_ So, Harry Potter, you might as well go,_

_ Cause like it or not, you just got OWNED!_

The audience cheers hysterically. Percy does a flamboyant and completely ridiculous bow before going back to his corner. Harry shakes his head and begins rapping.

_Well, Percy Jackson, _

_I'm not finished rapping_

_ You might want to leave_

_ Before the audience gets clapping_

_ Cause I'm gonna win _

_ That's completely true_

_ The only here who's going down_

_ Would be you!_

_ I stopped Voldemorts return_

_ When I was younger than you_

_ And when I was just a baby,_

_ I defeated him too!_

_ I can create a Patronus_

_ In the form of a dear_

_ So eat that, Jackson!_

_ Cause it's really quite clear_

_ You cannot win this one_

_ So don't even fight_

_ Cause I'm Harry Potter_

_ And you're losing tonight!_

Harry finishes and grins triumphantly. Jason roll his eyes and begins his piece.

_Yo, I'm Jason Grace and I think you should know_

_ I'm the son of Jupiter, so I'm better than you both!_

_ I'm stronger and smarter and a better fighter_

_ I can shoot lightning and I can burn brighter!_

_ I've done awesome things that I don't even know_

_ Which isn't my fault, I was kidnapped by Juno_

_ She wiped out my brain and left me alone_

_ With Leo and Piper to find my way home_

_ I defeated a giant and almost another_

_ I have a hot sister, while Percy has a brother!_

_ My dad is the king and so was my gramps_

_ So my family members are definitely champs!_

_ So, Harry and Percy, I'm totally ace,_

_ Cause I'm better than you both; I'm Jason Grace!_

As he finishes, the audience cheers insanely. David holds up his hands to try vainly to get the crowd to quite down. When they don't he breaks out his gigantic megaphone.

"AND THAT WAS THE RAP BATTLE OF THE CENTURY! AND THE WINNER IS-"

David is cut off by a sudden whirring, windy, mysterious _WHOOMP WHOOMP _noise. A blue box materializes in the middle of the arena.

"WHAT IS THIS? HOLD ON, FOLKS! THE BATTLE IS NOT OVER YET! WHO'S ENTERING THE RING NOW? WHY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT... IT'S... IT'S... IT'S DOCTOR WHO!"

The Doctor steps out of his TARDIS and grins sexily at the audience. All of the girls scream again and a few try to jump into the arena, but are restrained by security.

The Doctor begins his own rap.

_You puny little mortals can't rap at all!_

_ I'm gonna show you and you're gonna fall!_

_ You think your so great with your wands and weapons_

_ Well, you can't beat the hotness of all my companions!_

_ I've died eleven times, and Harry just one!_

_ Oh, don't you protest, I've just begun!_

_ I'm a time lord, just like Kronos_

_ However, I'm better, cause I don't need a host!_

_ I've been on the air since '63_

_ There isn't a soul who is better than me_

_ I save civilizations and this is paramount_

_ I've saved you silly Earth too many times to count!_

_ I've been to outer galaxies and planets so far_

_ Rescued countless creatures and numerous stars!_

_ I'm the last of my kind and I have the power_

_ I'm just getting started, I could rap for an hour_

_ I've got a sonic screwdriver and also a TARDIS_

_ Two hearts, many girlfriends, and just listen to this!_

_ You can't possible compete with someone whose name is unknown_

_ You guys might have books, but I've got over 800 episodes!_

_ So, Jason, Harry, Percy, just stop this joust_

_ You can never beat me... THE DOCTOR'S IN THE HOUSE!_

* * *

**So... who won?**_  
_


	7. THE HORROR OF NEW MOONS AND SUGAR!

**Well hello people.**

**I TOLD YOU I WOULD RETURN! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!**

**Did you miss me? : 3**

**I'M SO BUSY IT ISN'T EVEN FREAKING FUNNY! Anyway... I will probably get everything updated by the end of Thanksgiving vacation... hopefully.**

**Anyway... so, this year I'm taking advanced classes, doing Knowledge Bowl, Debate and Theater and am too busy to do hardly anything... even sleep. O.o and I like my sleep.**

**READ THE MARK OF ATHENA AND OH MY GODS RICK IS A FREAKING TROLLLLLL!**

**Doctor Who Update: All caught up to Season 7. Yeah. Matt Smith has grown on me... Just for those who care.**

**So... how've you all been?**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS STUFF! I ONLY OWN... HOLD ON... let me think... um... actually, I don't know what I own... **

* * *

Chapter Seven

THE HORROR OF NEW MOONS AND SUGAR!

As the audience cheers and screams like fangirls (which most of them are), Tai Lee waves a camera in the air wildly. "This is going to be a DemigodTube sensation!"

"You filmed it?" I say.

"Hades yes!"

Suddenly, David the announcer screams like a girl. "WHAT IS THAT HIDEOUS THING IN THE SKY? NOOOOOO! ARTEMIS! It's... A NEW MOON!"

Everyone screams. "AGGGH, KILL IT, KILL IT!"

The Doctor raises his sonic screwdriver. "Never fear, inferior mortal filth-"

"EXCUSE ME?" Percy, Jason and Harry say in unison.

"-I will destroy this horrible creature using... MY SONIC SCREWDRIVER!" He points the sonic screwdriver at the *gasp* New Moon. "DIE VILE CREATURES!" The screwdriver promptly explodes. "No! My sonic screwdriver! I killed my sonic screwdriver! I love my sonic screwdriver!"

Percy rolls his eyes. "Come on, Jason, let's kick these weirdos' butts!"

"Hades yeah, cuz!" Jason exclaims. They take out their swords and try to chop the moon up, but before they can, Artemis materializes before them.

"NO! NOT MY BABY!" She hurls green cheese at them.

"The moon is actually made of green cheese..." Percy and Jason groan.

Harry laughs. "Ha ha! It looks like I, Harry Potter, shall save the world again! Wands out! Ahem... Owls, toads, snakes and cats! Hit those two with a... BEIBER BLAST!" A sparkly purple Justin Beiber hologram erupts out of Harry's wand like a Patronus. It screeches, "BABY BABY BABY OH!"

The picture of Edward and Bella on the New Moon scream. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP! WE'RE MELLLLLLTTTTTTTIIIIING!" They melt slowly off of the moon.

Everyone else screams too. "THE PAIN!"

"That's it!" Frank says. "I'm not going back to Canada until they apologize for him!"

The Wicked Witch of the West suddenly pops out of nowhere. "I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY AND YOUR FLOPPY HAIR TOO!"

The Justin Beiber Patronus shimmers and disappears. Percy douses the Wicked Witch of the West with water.

"I'M MELTING!"

Everyone else looks at each other. "YAY!"

Amy looks confused. "I thought Justin Beiber died already."

"Yeah, didn't he get trampled by mob of fangirls last week?" Piper wonders.

"No, that was his evil twin, son of Apollo, Jackson Beiber," Tai Lee explains.

"But I can never die!" Jackson Beiber says, suddenly popping out of the ground. "FOR I AM... VOLDEMORT!"

Harry and Co. screams. "VOLDEMORT!"

"I wonder what happens if we take his Pillow Pet?" Tai Lee says.

"NO!" VoldeBeiber screams. "NOT MS. NAGINI FLUFFYKINS!"

"Who you gonna call?" I say.

"GHOSTBUSTERS!"

I facepalm. "... No. No Ghostbusters. Morons."

Everyone looks indignant. "Hey!"

"OCTAVIAN!" I yell. "KILL THE SNAKE!"

Octavian screams, "MIIIIIINNNNNE!" He and VoldeBeiber start battling for the snake Pillow Pet.

"YOU SHALL NOT DEFEAT ME, YOU MORTAL FILTH!" VoldeBeiber screams. "DIE!"

"NEVER! FOR I AM OCTAVIAN AND I MURDER STUFFED TOYS!"

"You know, I still can't believe that my two arch nemisis's are the same person." Harry says.

"Join the club," Percy tells him.

Dakota randomly appears by them. "Hey, guys! What's up?"

"Nothing much. How about you?"

"Meh. I just made a fresh batch of Kool-Aid with 5 TIMES THE SUGAR!"

"Really?" Harry says. "That sounds amazing! I want to try it!"

"Me too!" Percy says.

"Here you go!" Dakota pours them each a cup of Kool-Aid using cups he pulled from who-knows-where. "Cheers!"

Everyone else shouts, "NOOOOO!"

Percy and Harry suddenly start vibrating.

"Oh my gods..." Piper says.

Percy starts zooming around the room while Harry shoots random spells from his wand.

Tai Lee and I write that a shield of EPICNESS protects everyone else.

"What do we do?" Leo asks, panicking.

"The last time they were this crazy..." Nico trails off, shuddering.

Amy suddenly whips out a plate of blue cookies. Percy and Harry stop for a moment, stare and then swarm the cookies with the frenzy of hungry lions. Unfortunately, Leo gets caught in the excitement of cookies and gets trampled. Amy bloodbends Harry and Percy to stay still. "JASON, NOW!" Jason blasts Harry and Percy with lightning and they pass out.

"... YAY!" Everyone says. Well, everyone except Octavian.

"THE SNAKEY IS MINE!"

* * *

**Yeah... and that's all we have pre-written.**

**THE END!**

**No... just kidding. It's not the end. I lie. :38**

**Oh, and HALLELUJAH! BREAKING DAWN PART II CAME OUT TODAY! NOW THEY CAN'T MAKE ANYMORE TWILIGHT! THANK THE GODS! Erm... sorry, Twihards.**

**REVIEW IF YOU LOVE ME!**


	8. Me On Crack

**If you don't like excessive crack fic that makes no sense whatsoever... please don't read this.**

**Also note that I wrote this while eating those little multicolored melt away mints with the sugar balls on the bottom by the handfull and being extremely sleep deprived. I have no idea what just came out of my brain, nor do I want to. **

**Enjoy. I'm going to go find Narnia now.**

* * *

Suddenly, Percy and Harry wake back up... but this time, they are dressed in colorful outfits and they start skipping around, talking like Jersey girls.

"OMG! I just ate GLITTER!"

"IKR? It was so SPARKLY!"

Piper locates her Aphrodite side and puts on a pink glittery dress, that starts provoking unnecessary reactions from Harry and Percy. She grabs Hermione and starts charmspeaking her to go along with this wild plan about how to make her popular which involves painting herself green and going to see the wizard and then generally becoming a misunderstood Wicked witch who eventually falls in love with a scarecrow and fakes her own death so they can live happily ever after. So Hermione decides to screw gravity and starts flying.

Meanwhile, Frank and Hazel are happily snogging in a corner. Katie and Travis are doing it in the middle of the floor. Leo is trying to get Amy in on the action, but she has decided to go be in lesbian with Octavian, who has seduced her with his evil ways. VoldeBeiber and Ron are talking about Ron's future plans and how he should not become an evil wizarding lord or a silly fangirl-producing pop star from Canada, but should follow his dreams and become a chef on Eric Gardner's Kitchen, a not-very-well known show from the rinky dink town somewhere in the middle of the Midwest that is hosted by a meteorologist who apparently can cook, because, you know, out here in West Dakota, we can do everything. Which includes writing our own musical. No, wait that's Oklahoma. If WE were to write a musical, it would involve us singing, "OHHHHHH THE DAKOTAS-" and then sit in a cornfield surrounded by cows for the rest of the show waiting for the locusts to come eat our faces so we'd have something to DO.

Anyway, the Doctor overhears them talking about following your dreams in the midst of his conversation about the space/time continuum with Annabeth and starts sobbing on a couch about how his only dream is to become ginger, but it hasn't happened yet, and how can he make his dreams come true when he can't even locate hair dye that won't ruin his regeneration process forever? VoldeBieber pats him solemnly on the head and proceeds to talk about how he wishes he could have a nose, but new noses are so hard to find these days...

Nico decides to have a dance party with a bunch of famous dead dudes from the Underworld. They start dancing like they are on America's Got Talent, which everybody knows is really America THINKS They've Got Talent*. Which means not very well at all.

_Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Ghostbusters!_

"Makes me laugh every time!"

"Wonderful, now I've got a ghost with a comedy ringtone."

After many hard minutes of therapy later, the Doctor pops out of his funk and strolls back to his TARDIS. "Alrighty! Who's up for a jaunt in the little old TARDIS?"

"ME!" Everyone screams, except Harry and Percy, who are still drunk on sugar and trying to eat each other's hair, and Frank, Hazel, Katie and Travis, who are still exploring the wonderful world of boy/girl relationships and Leo who is crying in an emo corner because apparently, nobody likes him enough to have a snog with him, so they get left behind as everyone else piles in the TARDIS.

I immediately race over to the controls. "I CALL DIBS ON DRIVING!"

"No!" The Doctor shouts. "The TARDIS is mine! She will to what I wish and only what I wish!"

"I WANNA GO TO NARNIAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I shout as I flip a random dial. The TARDIS materialization column starts churning as the Doctor wails.

"ALLONS-Y!" I scream, which only serves as an excuse for the Doctor to scream at me some more, because that's his catchphrase.

Abruptly, the TARDIS landed with a jolt. Everyone piled out of the TARDIS.

"... This isn't Narnia," Tai Lee says.

"RUMBLEROAR!" A giant lion wearing a wizard hat appears in front of us. "WHERE ARE YOUR SPACE SUITS?"

"OH MY GODS A TALKING LION!" All the demigods scream. You thought they would've gotten used to it by now, but apparently they haven't.

"I WILL EAT YOU UP I LOVE YOU SO!" the lion roars, starting to sound suspiciously like something out of "Where The Wild Things Are."

"EVERYONE GET BACK IN HERE!" The Doctor yells. Everyone runs the five feet back to the TARDIS and they take off, everyone safe and sound. Well, except VoldeBeiber, who was "accidentally" left on Mars at the mercy of the lion.

"Now you know why we don't just go pressing buttons all willy nilly!" the Doctor scolds me. "Think of the children."

"I'm sorry," I say, giving him my puppy dog eyes.

"Well, no harm done!" the Doctor grins. "Now where would you like to go?"

"TELETUBBIE WORLD!" Tai Lee and I shout for no apparent reason other than that we are crazy.

"Tally ho!" the Doctor says, apparently being a Western dude now.

The TARDIS lands with a jolt in a land full of daisies, smiling suns and periscopes that randomly pop out of the ground.

The Doctor steps out of the TARDIS, the rest of us following. "Ah! Smell that breeze! That wind! The peace! The serenity! The creepy baby sun that's smiling at me like I'm it's next meal!"

"Hello Sweetie," a voice randomly says.

"River!" the Doctor exclaims. "I didn't know you were here!"

"Well I am now, Sweetie," a woman with curly blonde hair and a pair of matching pistols says.

"Long time no see." The Doctor grabs River and starts snogging her brains out.

"EW! PDA!" Everyone screams because we have the maturity level of kindergarteners.

After watching the Doctor and River snog and make noises for five minutes, we all get rather bored.

"I know! Let's go hunt the Tubbies!" I say.

"YAY!"

And the new messed up reality show, Fangirls vs Tubbies airs.

"We are hunting in the wild vast jungles of Tubbie land a rare and dangerous species called the... TELETUBBY! Quickly! I think I see one over there!"

We run over and jump on the poor unsuspecting Tubby, who happens to be riding a scooter.

"THE SCOOTER IS MINE!" Tai Lee shouts, zooming away over the hills.

"TELL US WHERE EVIL NOO NOO IS AND WE WILL NOT KILL YOU PAINFULLY!" I scream at the Tubby I am currently holding hostage using a carrot that I stole from a bunny.

The Tubby coos and starts tearing up.

"NO!" I jab the carrot at it. "YOU WILL SHOW ME THE ANSWERS! HOW MAY I GET A SCREEN BUILT INTO MY TUMMY SO I CAN STARE AT THE SEXY DOCTOR ALL DAY LONG?"

(Somewhere in bed with the Doctor, River feels a disturbance in the Force.)

Suddenly, a periscope pops out of the ground. "TIME FOR TUBBY BYE BYE!"

The Tubby vanishes to go say bye to the children on the farm. I run over to the periscope. "GIVE ME BACK MY TUBBY BEFORE I USE MY NINJA SKILLS TO ROB EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU OF ALL YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS AND THEN KILL YOU IF NECESSARY!

Around the world, millions of small children are scarred for life.

The demigods have all wandered off by now to go inhale tinsel.

Leo is still being emo.

Nico is trying to stop the ghosts from doing... er, naughty things in the middle of his dance floor.

Hazel, Frank, Katie and Travis are still snogging their respective partners.

VoldeBeiber is still on Mars.

Percy and Harry are now trying to give Extreme Home Makeovers to hobos who obviously don't HAVE homes.

Tai Lee is still zooming around on her scooter, singing, "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" over and over and over again.

As for River and the Doctor... well, let's just say that there may be baby Time Lords on the way in the near future.

And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse...

"CHARLIE! HEY CHARLIE! WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE CHARLIE!"

I immediately stop trying to threaten inanimate objects and jump in the Choo Choo Shoe to go on a magical journey to... somewhere.

"GUNGA!"

"SPARTA!"

"ADVENTURE!"

"OPA GANGNAM STYLE!"

And just like that, everyone was magically transported to Teletubby land where the Tubbies taught them all to do the Gangnam Style dance. Except, they sort of changed the words.

"OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OPA TUBBY STYLE!"

Then everyone rolled around on the floor in a fit of ecstasy while the Tubbies ran around in circles with ducklings.

AND THEN THE ELF ON THE SHELF APPEARED AND ATE EVERYONE'S FACES CAUSE HE IS A STALKER! YOUR HOMES ARE NOT SAFE CHILDREN! RUN! RUN! RUN! RUUUUUUUUUU-

And then the author closed her laptop and went to sleep, because she had no idea what the heck she had just written.

* * *

*I don't think that America has no talent, me being American, but you know, that show is kind of stupid. NO OFFENSE MEANT GENTLEPEOPLE NO OFFENSE MEANT!

* * *

**I don't know what's wrong with me...**


End file.
